Dating

Dating

Mormon youth wait to date until they are 16. That might seem old to you.  But let’s walk this through.  If you were to start dating at 12 or 13–just at the cusp of adolescence–how might it affect your future? Early dating and singling out one person to spend time with before you’ve even completed middle school, can lead to premature relationships and decisions. When you’re a young teen, there is still so much to accomplish, and so many opportunities for sharing experiences in group settings. You and other teens can easily gather for social activities, service projects, wholesome recreation and holiday events. Being together in groups keeps you socially active, without closing off your network or allowing you to get serious about one individual. Getting an education and learning skills in the home; and spending time with family–these should still be your priorities at a younger age.

The nice thing about the “not ‘til sixteen” thing is that you’ve had some time to root yourself. You’ve observed others and gotten to know your new, more adult self, and decided how you’d like your dates to go. You’re better prepared. Studies show that you’re a lot less likely to have inappropriate physical relationships if you date later instead of earlier. Is that guy or girl that you crushed on when you were twelve really the person with whom you want to spend your life?

When you’re between the ages of 14 and 16, you can always enjoy time with your friends in group get-togethers, Halloween parties, dances, sports, and other activities. Even when you begin to date, dating in a group is advised. Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (referred to by some as the Mormon Church) do counsel young men and women to avoid one-on-one relationships in high school.  Avoid going steady. Instead, go in groups. This is often more fun, especially when you don’t know your partner that well. These kind of dates allow everyone to get to know each other in a reasonably safe environment.  And they’re perfect for activities like bowling, ice skating or flag-football—activities that are pretty limited with only two people.

Don’t be careless about who you date, though.  Mormons are pretty focused on eventually being married in a Mormon temple by one who has authority to “seal” the marriage–to give it the right to last forever if both parties remain faithful to each other and to God. To enter the holy temple, both would-be husband and would-be wife need to be actively worthy members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That is why Mormons are advised to date only other Mormons.

It’s not that anyone should restrict friendships with people of other faiths.  We all should have friends that aren’t of our religion, and we all should respect what other people believe.  But the problem with marrying across faiths is that it creates a huge gap between spouses. Will one of the spouses want to marry for time and eternity, and the other “’til death do you part’”? Will one want their children to be baptized into a particular church and the other be opposed? Will one sit alone at church? Will they both worry constantly over the other person’s salvation? It’s important to try to keep these kinds of big conflicts from ever becoming reality.

Mormons believe in abstinence–no sexual intimacy before marriage. It’s not because sex is taboo. It’s because it is sacred. It is a beautiful expression of a union of heart, mind, and soul between two individuals committed in love and legally married. Sexual relations before marriage has been denounced since Moses inscribed the Ten Commandments, and virtue is an everlasting principle. Virtue is priceless. Many will ask “how far they can go” and remain worthy. Staying clean means keeping kisses simple and hugs affectionate until the marriage is consummated.That means no necking and petting, no cars parked for easy temptations to destroy virtue. Preserve yourself for the right time and right place with the right person.

So don’t turn your dates into conquests.  Dating should be an extension of friendship. The media teaches otherwise. Don’t be fooled by the flashes of ritzy clothes, glamorous lifestyles, and seductive parties. You often don’t see the ends of those fleeting choices on serial television or Hollywood movies. Be careful. Enjoy your youth. Prepare well for a marriage with someone whose character is worthy of you. Be worthy of theirs.