1. Listen

A lot of times, when we’re talking, we’re busy thinking up what we’re going to say next and we aren’t really listening to what the other person is saying. Listen deeply to what someone else is saying. Ask questions to learn even more. Choose questions that will help you understand what that person is saying, feeling, and thinking. “Were you scared?” “How would you handle that if it were up to you?” You’ll get a reputation for being the world’s best conversationalist and people will know you care about them—making for some great friendships. In the process, you’ll learn more about how others feel about things and this will make you more empathetic.

1. Get to know people who are different from you.

Be careful about this. If you choose friends who drink or use drugs, for instance, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble. Choose good quality friends, but choose them because they aren’t like you sometimes. For instance, if you’ve never had to worry much about whether or not your family will have enough food to get through the week, find someone at school who is in that situation and then spend time really understanding what life is like for that person. Don’t be judgmental—just listen, learn, and if possible, help. If you love to read, find someone who struggles to read. If you’re a great athlete, get to know the kid who is picked last for the team every single time.

1. Read books that show things from a different point of view.

 One author wrote two children’s books. They were the same story, but one told it through the eyes of a child who was being bullied and the other book showed the story through the eyes of the bully. Children who read both were able to see both sides of the story and better understood the trials that might lead someone to becoming a bully. It didn’t make bullying right, but the children were able to understand him and to feel sorry for him. A book can give you insights into someone else’s mind, even if it’s fiction.

1. Do volunteer work.

When you are working with people who face a special challenge, you learn a great deal about their lives. If you go into the project with an open mind and loving heart, you’ll begin to develop empathy for them. Helping teach children to read who found it hard gave me empathy for what it’s like to not be able to read. I listened to them talk about their humiliation and their pain and as we worked together, I also learned to celebrate their small steps. Every volunteer project I do teaches me empathy for new things.

1. Imagine.

As a writer, I have to be able to see a story from the point of view of every character in order to make them come to life. Right now I’m struggling to understand a character I don’t really like very much. As I close my eyes and see things the way he does, he becomes a more sympathetic character to me. I like him much more now than I did when he first wandered into my story just because I understand him better. You don’t have to write a story, but try to picture yourself in the situation you don’t have empathy for just yet. How would you feel? What would you be afraid of? How would you want others to treat you? When it’s you, the situation seems different than when it’s someone else.

 Okay, to develop real empathy, you’re going to have to get off the computer and out into the world. Have fun!

What did Jesus ask us to do?

When Jesus was living on the Earth, he often worried about the people who were hungry, including those who had come to hear him preach for several days. He had fasted for a very long time at the start of His ministry, so He understood hunger. However, He had never experienced sin, and yet He was as kind to the sinner and as able to know just what they needed as he was to those who were hungry. This is because Jesus, being perfect, had empathy.

Teens who are empathetic look at others differently than those who are not. A teen who isn’t empathetic might look at a friend whose family is poor and think, “Wow, they must have made really bad choices, or maybe they’re just lazy. They probably deserve to be poor, and helping them will just encourage them to stay lazy.” An empathetic teenager might thing, “It must be really scary for Jim right now. I wonder what I could do to help. Maybe I can find a way to get him to take a few things of mine I don’t need without making him feel like it’s charity. And I could ask my dad if he needs anyone else to help out at his work. Jim might want an afterschool job.”

Jesus told us that we were not to make final judgments about people. That is God’s job. We can never really know what happens in a person’s life to cause the challenges they’re facing, and we also don’t know what will happen to us in the future. No one is guaranteed to be safe from trials.

Just because studies show teens are less empathetic today doesn’t mean we have an excuse to be that way ourselves. Jesus taught us to love one another and to serve one another, regardless of what other teens are choosing.

How can you become more empathetic? The experts are saying one solution is to spend more time in the actual presence of people—not online or on the phone, but in person, talking and getting to know them. Another way is to avoid media that desensitizes you to pain and suffering.

When you see someone who has a hard life, ask yourself how you would feel in that situation and how you would want to be treated. Try to picture Jesus Christ watching the person and then imagine what He would do. Once you know what Jesus would do, and what He would want you to do, you’ll know what to do yourself. Remember, you could find yourself in the same situation or one equally painful yourself someday. What would you want others to do for you then?

You have to see this!

We are in the decision-making portion of our existence. The teenage years can be somewhat of a fall from the innocence of childhood, just like we came down to Earth from living in innocence with God. We need the knowledge we gain in life, as in teenage years, to grow up to our full potential. Though some of us would probably like to skip being teenagers, it’s a crucial learning stage. Even in awkward, emotional, challenging times, you learn important lessons to guide your life. Similarly, in the fallen state of mortality, we learn from experience the lessons necessary for our eternal destiny.

The lessons we learn in life and the decisions we make will determine whether we meet our full potential—whether we can become like our Father in Heaven. President Thomas S. Monson shared a story in the last General Conference, in which an elders quorum president was asked about the worth of souls:

The stunned quorum president hesitated as he formulated his reply. I had a prayer in my heart that he would be able to answer the question. He finally responded, “The worth of a soul is its capacity to become as God.” (Thomas S. Monson, “Our Sacred Priesthood Trust,” Ensign, May 2006, 56)

Being a teenager seems like everything when it’s happening, but when it’s over, it seems like a very short time—a time when we either prepared for the blessings and responsibilities of adulthood or we wasted time, thinking that just being a teenager was all that mattered. This life is the same way. We can either choose to prepare for the eternal adulthood—being like God—or we can be absorbed in mortality, thinking that this life is what matters.

So what does matter? Remembering the worth of your immortal soul, and preparing for the life to come. In this life, there are many ways we can prepare. We can take advantage of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He paid the price for your otherwise-impossible destiny—will you do what it takes to reach it? We can learn to know personally our Heavenly Father and our Savior. We can repent, pray, read scriptures, listen to our leaders, and control ourselves.

While the hope and destiny of every human being is great, the things that will bring that destiny into view are usually simple, sometimes tedious, and never glamorous. They are the little things we do every day, like praying meaningfully, repenting of smaller or larger sins, and going to Mormon Church meetings. But these small things are what bring about the miracles necessary to grow to be closer to and more like Heavenly Father. Daily devotion to doing the right is what brings a powerful testimony and witness from the Holy Ghost. Worthiness brings the blessings of eternity promised when we keep our covenants. Repentance allows the miraculous atonement really work in us, to clean us from sin and let God forget our wrongs.

In this time of making choices, as in mortal life, we choose what we will be. We choose whether to be morally clean adults, blessed by covenants and service. We choose whether we will become like God after this mortal life. At this time, remember what you are worth. Remember not to throw yourself away in the darkness of a tough decision. There is light in keeping an eternal perspective.

Richard G. Hinckley said the following of repentance:

“How grateful I am for the understanding we have of this great principle. It is not a harsh principle, as I thought when I was a boy. It is kind and merciful.” (”Repentance, a Blessing of Membership,” Ensign, May 2006, 49)

Heavenly Father gave his only begotten Son to suffer and die at the hands of cruel enemies, lonely and without succor, just so we could all have the chance to come back to him and feel the glory of his presence. Would we hold back our repentance where he has done so much? So much was paid so that we could repent and have joy in being pure, and so much is at stake in our repenting-we have nothing to lose but sorrow as we increase in our purity.

Complete repentance brings a new and better life. It turns a life we may think we have destroyed into a blessed life. Repentance restores opportunities and blessings and self-respect. Repent. Be worthy once again to return to the God and Father who loves you enough-in all of your imperfections-to sacrifice everything.

(Thomas S. Monson, “Our Sacred Priesthood Trust,” Ensign, May 2006, 57)

Every time I read these words of comfort, I can’t help but ask myself a difficult question: How can we have enough humility and faith to let the Lord repair our faults? Humility seems to be one of the most elusive virtues, since if you have it, you will never know. However, when I hear the phrase “humble themselves before me,” I think of countless times in the Book of Mormon when the weak, the sinners, and the oppressed have knelt before God in prayer to ask that their needs be met.

In the Mormon Church, we need to be humble enough to admit that we can’t do it without Heavenly Father, and we need the humility that leads to obedience and worthiness. We need to believe (have faith) that he can and will respond to our pleas, being worthy of the response, and we need to be humble enough not to take the credit for our strength afterward. It is easy to say, “I will never be able to fix everything that is wrong with me,” but the miraculous power of Jesus Christ is with us in our struggles. If we can accept as fact that the Lord will make our weaknesses strong, we can have the faith needed to receive the miracle.

As much as we may doubt our own humility, we must have faith that the Lord is merciful, and that he lets our best efforts be enough. Through the power of the atonement, he can fortify our weakened defenses, reform our broken hearts, and satisfy our most aching hunger. His grace is sufficient that, in all of our weakness, we can still receive if we ask in humility, and believe.

But we need to be active. We need to reach out our hands to other people. We need to look to other people’s needs and be willing to put forth effort to meet them. We can be good influences.

In Mormon belief, we can be missionaries through example as well as through the Mormon missionary program. If we are kind to others, if we live what we believe, people will notice.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said:

“There is no end to the good we can do, to the influence we can have with others. Let us not dwell on the critical or the negative. Let us pray for strength; let us pray for capacity and desire to assist others. Let us radiate the light of the gospel at all times and all places, that the Spirit of the Redeemer may radiate from us.”

(Gordon B. Hinckley, “The Need for Greater Kindness,” Ensign, May 2006, 61)