Just because everyone's doing it doesn't mean they're right.

Great stories, but of course, that’s not how it worked in real life. When I was a freshman in high school, I found myself unexpectedly getting attention from a group of popular kids. I don’t know how I came to their attention since popular had never been part of my life. Actually, I’d never really had any desire to be popular. I’d always been happy with the friends I had, but somehow, when they started paying attention to me and to my friend, we both were so flattered we forgot popularity had never been very important to us.

At first, everything seemed great. However, my friend David pulled me aside and warned me the kids in that group were dangerous. He said they didn’t have values and they liked to pull good kids into their group and try to corrupt them. I shrugged off his warning, figuring he was jealous of the time I spent with the new friends I had.

Then one day at a party for my drama class, they invited me to go for a walk with them, saying it was too hot inside. I guess I was pretty inexperienced, because I actually thought they were going for a walk. I loved nighttime walks. Instead, of course, they pulled out cigarettes. I had watched my grandmother suffer from emphysema for several years, the result of a lifetime of smoking, so I was not even tempted to smoke. I refused their offer and instead of accepting it, as always happens in stories, they started making fun of me. Even worse, my friend took one, looking a little embarrassed as she did so. I wanted to yank it out of her mouth, knowing what she was doing to herself, but I didn’t. I didn’t really know what to do. I was hurt that my “friends” would make fun of me for doing what I was knew was right and I was angry that they’d gotten my friend to give in so she could fit in, but I also lacked the courage to just go into the house alone. I wouldn’t give in, knowing what I knew, but I stayed with them. Finally one of the girls told the others to leave me alone.

The worst was yet to come, though. When we went back inside, a boy I really admired walked over to me and said, “I know they do all kinds of things they aren’t supposed to, but I thought you were different.” I realized, as he walked away,  he thought I had smoked because I was with them. I realized everyone knew why they’d gone outside and by going with them—and by returning with them—I sent a false message that I was just like them.

That weekend, I paid more attention to David’s warning. I learned they did a lot of things I hadn’t known they did. I was shy, though, and not very brave, so I didn’t know what to do. On Monday, not wanting to see them in drama class or at lunch, I came to school early and went to talk to my guidance counselor. She suggested we rearrange my schedule so I had no classes with them and so my lunch would be at a different time. That took away any temptation to continue to bask in the prestige of their popularity and made it easier for me to break off the ties—we just never really saw each other any more.

When I walked into the cafeteria that day, I saw David. He motioned me over and I joined the friends I had abandoned. I was lucky they wanted me back. Popularity didn’t seem so appealing anymore as I found myself thinking about the trouble I could have gotten myself into and the damage I’d done to my reputation just by hanging out with the wrong crowd. I didn’t do anything wrong, but no one else knew that.

That story had a happy ending for me, but it didn’t for my friend, who stayed with the group and adopted their values. She had a hard life ahead once she abandoned her standards and her dreams for life to focus on being accepted and popular. I tried to help, but there was nothing I could do. A person has to take the first step alone before others can step in to help.

As an adult now, I can’t remember why it seemed so important to be in that group. I had nothing in common with those people and they didn’t care about me. If they’d cared about me as a person, they would have respected my standards. I was so much happier with friends who shared my values and who respected me if I chose a higher value once in a while. More importantly, their high standards encouraged me to live a better life. We had fun, but we always had an eye on a bright and glorious future. We knew high school wasn’t all there was to life.

Read advice to a Scandinavian girl who wanted to move in with her boyfriend.

1. Listen

A lot of times, when we’re talking, we’re busy thinking up what we’re going to say next and we aren’t really listening to what the other person is saying. Listen deeply to what someone else is saying. Ask questions to learn even more. Choose questions that will help you understand what that person is saying, feeling, and thinking. “Were you scared?” “How would you handle that if it were up to you?” You’ll get a reputation for being the world’s best conversationalist and people will know you care about them—making for some great friendships. In the process, you’ll learn more about how others feel about things and this will make you more empathetic.

1. Get to know people who are different from you.

Be careful about this. If you choose friends who drink or use drugs, for instance, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble. Choose good quality friends, but choose them because they aren’t like you sometimes. For instance, if you’ve never had to worry much about whether or not your family will have enough food to get through the week, find someone at school who is in that situation and then spend time really understanding what life is like for that person. Don’t be judgmental—just listen, learn, and if possible, help. If you love to read, find someone who struggles to read. If you’re a great athlete, get to know the kid who is picked last for the team every single time.

1. Read books that show things from a different point of view.

 One author wrote two children’s books. They were the same story, but one told it through the eyes of a child who was being bullied and the other book showed the story through the eyes of the bully. Children who read both were able to see both sides of the story and better understood the trials that might lead someone to becoming a bully. It didn’t make bullying right, but the children were able to understand him and to feel sorry for him. A book can give you insights into someone else’s mind, even if it’s fiction.

1. Do volunteer work.

When you are working with people who face a special challenge, you learn a great deal about their lives. If you go into the project with an open mind and loving heart, you’ll begin to develop empathy for them. Helping teach children to read who found it hard gave me empathy for what it’s like to not be able to read. I listened to them talk about their humiliation and their pain and as we worked together, I also learned to celebrate their small steps. Every volunteer project I do teaches me empathy for new things.

1. Imagine.

As a writer, I have to be able to see a story from the point of view of every character in order to make them come to life. Right now I’m struggling to understand a character I don’t really like very much. As I close my eyes and see things the way he does, he becomes a more sympathetic character to me. I like him much more now than I did when he first wandered into my story just because I understand him better. You don’t have to write a story, but try to picture yourself in the situation you don’t have empathy for just yet. How would you feel? What would you be afraid of? How would you want others to treat you? When it’s you, the situation seems different than when it’s someone else.

 Okay, to develop real empathy, you’re going to have to get off the computer and out into the world. Have fun!

What did Jesus ask us to do?

When Jesus was living on the Earth, he often worried about the people who were hungry, including those who had come to hear him preach for several days. He had fasted for a very long time at the start of His ministry, so He understood hunger. However, He had never experienced sin, and yet He was as kind to the sinner and as able to know just what they needed as he was to those who were hungry. This is because Jesus, being perfect, had empathy.

Teens who are empathetic look at others differently than those who are not. A teen who isn’t empathetic might look at a friend whose family is poor and think, “Wow, they must have made really bad choices, or maybe they’re just lazy. They probably deserve to be poor, and helping them will just encourage them to stay lazy.” An empathetic teenager might thing, “It must be really scary for Jim right now. I wonder what I could do to help. Maybe I can find a way to get him to take a few things of mine I don’t need without making him feel like it’s charity. And I could ask my dad if he needs anyone else to help out at his work. Jim might want an afterschool job.”

Jesus told us that we were not to make final judgments about people. That is God’s job. We can never really know what happens in a person’s life to cause the challenges they’re facing, and we also don’t know what will happen to us in the future. No one is guaranteed to be safe from trials.

Just because studies show teens are less empathetic today doesn’t mean we have an excuse to be that way ourselves. Jesus taught us to love one another and to serve one another, regardless of what other teens are choosing.

How can you become more empathetic? The experts are saying one solution is to spend more time in the actual presence of people—not online or on the phone, but in person, talking and getting to know them. Another way is to avoid media that desensitizes you to pain and suffering.

When you see someone who has a hard life, ask yourself how you would feel in that situation and how you would want to be treated. Try to picture Jesus Christ watching the person and then imagine what He would do. Once you know what Jesus would do, and what He would want you to do, you’ll know what to do yourself. Remember, you could find yourself in the same situation or one equally painful yourself someday. What would you want others to do for you then?

As Mormon youth, we too share the responsibility of sharing the gospel in our schools and communities. When we share the gospel, we held bring the gospel of Jesus Christ to those around us, but it also strengthens our own personal testimony of the Mormon Church. It can sometimes be intimidating to share the gospel, as we fear we might offend someone or be ridiculed. Despite these fears, we must persist in finding tactful ways to share our beliefs. With Mormon Testimonies, sharing your testimony has never been so easy.

Mormontestimonies.org is a website that aims at compiling written and video testimonies from members worldwide. This site is viewed by investigators of the Church, as they seek more information and support. Your individual experience, story, or conversion to the Mormon Church could greatly influence an investigator. As a young person, you have a great amount of influence and power. Taking the few minutes to write about how the church has inspired your life can have a great impact. You will also be able to view your friend’s testimonies, and other people from your ward and stake, under the “Browse Testimonies” link. Testimonies will be classified by geography, generation, by name, and stakes and wards. The process of submitting your testimony is easy. Simply go to the Mormontestimonies.org website and under “Quick Start,” type your name or pseudonym if you would like to remain anonymous, and start writing!

This is an extremely effective yet easy way for Mormons to share their testimony. The youth of the Church has some of the most influential testimonies in the church. Your words have the potential to touch and inspire those looking for the truth.

Teens usually say that they use these sites to maintain and make friendships. School friends move away, for example, and this is a way to keep in touch.

Like all things online, though, we should always be careful about what we say and how much information we decide to give out. Don’t give out your phone number or address online, for example — this is basic net knowledge. And Mormons do think we should be careful about how we find our friends — making friends online rather than offline can be pretty isolating, even if you’re not giving out personal information.

But these kind of sites can be good for Mormon missionary work. In a way, this site is bearing testimony to the truth of the gospel. Why not bear testimony on your blog, for example?

Read the full report here:

Pew Internet Report